Reasons to be cheerful....part 1

I've been feeling cautiously optimistic lately.

A number of factors have been behind this.

One is that a period of debilitating depression has finally lifted. I don't know for how long, but, for now it has gone, and I'm enjoying life again.

This in itself is a reason to be cheerful. Like opening the curtains after a long, cold night to see sunshine and to feel a warm breeze, coming out of depression makes you see the positive in everything, and gives you a reason to forge forward again.

Not a great deal has changed around me. I'm still me. I still live in the same place. I still have the same job, with its long commute, relatively low pay (compared with what I had before I got depressed) and its temporary nature.

The difference is that I now accept my situation for what it is. I don't try to fight it. I don't wish I was somewhere else, or wish that I was living the better days of my past. I now realise that I am in the present, and that I am empowered to shape my future into whatever I want it to be.

I am happy with who I am, what I surround myself with and what I represent.

I also recognise the power of possibility. I am free to do whatever I want with the rest of my life, who I chose to be with, and how I spend my resources, whether it be money, emotions, time or love.

The next chapter of my life begins everytime my head lifts from my pillow. No matter what frustrations today throws at me, tomorrow can always throw something different, whether it be better or worse.

The possibility of change is exciting, challenging and enriching. There will always be new things to learn and experience. There will be new people to meet.

This in itself is a reason to be cheerful - no matter how mundane the day might be, it's still unique, and I'm still developing.

Only forward.......

Learning To Be Happy With Less

In the West, we are pretty much programmed from birth to consume. Our well-being is tied up in 'if only I had that new car/house/handbag/mobile phone/games console I'd be happy'. Its an old, old paradox.

The yearning for a shiny new item of fluff becomes like a drug. It governs our every waking moment - the anticipation of how great life will be once we possess the object of our desire.

Eventually the day comes. The object of our desire is in our sweaty little hands. 'At last!' we think, 'my life will change for the better, now that I have my dream object!!'

However, after a few weeks parading our new paramour to friends and acquaintances, something odd, and highly disappointing happens.

The novelty wears off. All of a sudden our new shiny 'thing' looses it's lustre. We drop our new mobile phone and chip the casing, or we trip and scuff our new shoes. The new car gets dirty, or a scratch down the side....

The dream is over. On to the next object of our desire......

Marketing, advertising, peer pressure ('what do you mean your phone can't take pictures' - 'you like listening to vinyl records?'). Has made many in society yearn for the latest thing. It allows them to bond with others within their social strata, or to join a higher social group to which they aspire.

What many people in the West don't realise is that whatever we throw away ends up not in landfill, but in India, South America, China and so on, to be recycled. Often the work is carried out by young children, who live within the rubbish dumps filled with our old technological fashion faux pas.

The average computer circuit board contains heavy metals such as mercury, lead and cadmium. The old CRT TV sets we are frantically throwing out because they are 'old fashioned', also contain a large proportion of lead in their circuits.

And yet, there is no need to throw our old stuff away because it is just old-fashioned. As far as technology goes, major advancement in new technology slowed to a halt in the 1980s, with the introduction of inexpensive digital communication technology. Apart from wireless internet connections, I can't think of a single technological advancement made in the last 10 years that I can honestly say has seen lives in the West transformed in the same way as, for example, the invention of the telephone itself, or the introduction of affordable motoring.

In short, the 'advances' of the last 10 years or so amount to little more than technological flim flam, designed to con gullible consumers into believing that having a bigger, flat screen TV, or surround-sound speakers, or a device which allows them to store 3,000 of their favorite songs is going to enrich their lives. Believe me, they most certainly don't.

This probably makes me sound like a luddite. I'm not. I trained to be a product designer, my main aim being to produce the objects of desire of the future.

However, I'm all grown up now, and I can see that endlessly cycling product ranges has a negative effect on our society, ecology and mental wellbeing.

Looking around my house, I see all of the usual items we all take for granted - TV, VCR, Games Console, Hi-Fi, Microwave and so on....and I'm satisfied with all that I have. I don't yearn for more, newer, shinier, more fashionable bits of fluff.

I guess that having less income was originally the driver behind this ending of any desire to accumulate more stuff. I have to make what I have last longer, and I have to be more prudent in my choices in the first place to ensure that my money goes further.

The unexpected effect is a kind of contentment in knowing that I have all I need, that I'm happy with what I have, and that through a longterm interaction with the items I have around me, an enjoyment in using the familiar, and knowing that it works well.

It also means that I am able to tap into the world that many feel is inferior. That of the secondhand. I stopped buying brand new stuff sometime ago, again mainly through lack of funds to buy new. And I'm delighted to take on other's castoffs. I'm also glad that I have saved a number of perfectly good consumer items ending up on a rubbish tip in Mumbai.

I've rambled on a little, with no real structure on this post.

I guess the message to you is - think carefully about what you buy.

Buy the best quality (new or used) that you can.

Question whether the device you are buying is really going to change your life (I'm thinking of those who upgrade mobile phones every 3 months, only to still have a device that receives and makes phone calls!!).

Think even harder about what will happen to your discarded (and probably perfectly serviceable) old items.

Even better, learn to be happy with less!

A tribute to a dear departed friend

Blimey, it really is a time for goodbyes, this New Year.

I found out on New Year's Eve that a dear friend of mine had died suddenly. He was a man who I met through my old job, about 5 years ago. We hit it off immediately.

He was much older than me, but had a youthful spirit, and a twinkle in his eye that meant that he very much saw life as something you must grasp with both hands and live as if it could end at any moment. He had a stroke about 10 years ago, and had made pretty much a full recovery, and he was determined to live it to the full.

He lived in a village in Northamptonshire, the same one he was born in, and his love for the place was inspiring. He lived with his wife in a beautiful 17th century house, where we shared many evenings, and bottles of wine, sat by a log fire.

His stories about his life were nothing short of being 'ripping yarns', full of adventure, travel and joy.

His wisdom and knowledge of just about everything was vast, and never dull. He would entertain us for hours, on any subject.

His love and generosity was legendary, as was his compassion. Many a time he was on hand to encourage us when times got hard, a relationship hit the buffers, or work got too stressful.

He lived for his lovely wife, family, grandchildren and his beloved horses and dogs.

But above all else he loved good food and drink. He was a walking encyclopedia of recipes, ingredients, good wines and his favorite tipple, single malt (of which he kept various bottles hidden in the shed, so his wife wouldn't find them - she always did, but turned a blind eye!).

I will always be proud to call him my friend, and I miss him greatly.

Fly away little bird

My ex-girlfriend has been travelling and volunteering in India and Nepal for the last 6 months. Her going away hurt so much at first, I thought I may never recover from it. But, deep down I knew that she would never return, that once she gained her confidence, she would make it her life's mission to keep moving.

Our alliance was only ever going to be temporary, and deep down I knew it. That knowledge always meant that deep down I always held something back, out of self-preservation. At the time it was the catalyst for our parting. In hindsight, it was precisely the right thing to do, adding the old adage, 'if you love someone, set them free'.

I've encountered many different people during my life, some good, some downright boring, and some toxic. My ex-girlfriend is something very special. A true free spirit, who knows her own mind, is full of guts and determination, and has a heart as big as a mountain.

I may never see her again, or even hear from her, but I know she'll be more than ok out there in the big, wide world.

And I wish her nothing but love, peace, happiness and fulfillment, wherever she finds it.

Fly free my little bird.

If I didn't have bad luck......

The old blues song tells us that if 'I didn't have bad luck..I'd have no luck at all'.....

I used to believe this. Call me older and wiser, but I'm beginning to see that it's maybe not true. Everything has a cause and effect - we make our own luck, as a result of our actions, or, as a result of unplanned events happening around us, over which we have little or no control.

Luck doesn't come into it - but maybe circumstance does!

You remember some months ago I posted about my 90 year old Granddad. He reckons he survived the war because of chance - his entire regiment was wiped out. He survived because he was seconded to drive a superior officer to another outpost on the day that his regiment was moved on. When he returned from his duty, they'd moved on. Later he found out that they'd all been wiped out. Luck? No, circumstance. My Granddad was required for another mission, and was elsewhere. Serendipity? perhaps - maybe it just wasn't his time.

Whatever you can attribute his survival to, he was meant to stay, and live the rest of his life. Maybe it taught him a life lesson - not to take anything for granted.

All of the trials and tribulations of the last few months are having a similar effect on me - I'm beginning to see that all that has happened over the last year, no matter how hard to take, have all happened for good reason.

Maybe I was sleep-walking through my life, excepting everything that was handed out to me without question, doing what was expected of me, and not doing what was right for me.

Perhaps I was still looking for acceptance from someone.

Anyway, the moral of this experience is that everything happens for a reason, good or bad, and no matter how bad things seem, if you learn something valuable from it, then it's been a good experience. And anyway, if you want things to improve, they will - provided you put the effort in, and stay true to yourself.

Bad luck? Nah - just experience.

The ghost of Christmas future....

I had a disconcerting, and also uplifting glimpse into a possible future this week.

My new job puts me in contact with what may be classed as 'leftover people'. These are the people that society has forgotten. If you like, they've fallen through the cracks, and are just there, existing, drifting though indifference.

I met one such 'exister' yesterday.

I work for an agency which provides a service, refurbishing and updating housing to meet a decent standard. I have met all sorts of people through this, all with one major thing in common - they've given up on themselves.

This particular individual lives with his brother, who has a low mental age, in a property they have inherited from their parents. I was called in because it was believed that a rogue trader was attempting to rip these two hapless men off, through bogus repairs, and ultimately through a deal in which the brothers sign over their property to them, in order to live as 'tenants'.

The gentleman I met has a drink problem, and, when we knocked on the door, a ramshackle individual eventually answered, then promptly fell over. Myself and a colleague had to help him to a chair, both of us holding on to him. He'd been drinking all day, watching cricket.

As his story unfolded it was obvious that this man was not ignorant of the facts, by any means. He'd travelled, held down a good job, and he'd in the past carried out some good work on his property.

But, it became increasingly obvious that this is a front. The years of abuse through excessive drinking had robbed him of his dignity and common-sense, and he is now easy prey for the conmen that feed on the weak.

I examined the house - the conmen wanted money from him to repair the roof. I found nothing wrong with it, except for a few loose slates. The conmen wanted £4000 off him, which they were prepared to 'write-off' as part of the deeds transfer.

Each time we tried to steer the conversation around to what was happening to him, the man would change the subject, or swig at his beer.

Eventually we spelled it out - the conmen want your house, at a fraction of it's worth, to sell on, whether you are tenants or not - in other words, they risk being turfed out onto the street. Finally the penny dropped.

The man's brother came home during our meeting. A very simple man, quiet, in a world of his own. We couldn't get through to him. His brother did, in a fashion, and both agreed to let us help.

They had been sold down the river on the back of a few cans of lager, and the promise of a few easy quid. Shocking, in a so-called civilised country, in the 21st century.

The whole sordid affair reminded me of a Dickensian tale of betrayal, and of exploitation of people who felt they no longer had choices.

It was a stark lesson.

Stark in so much that I realised that during my depressive periods, when my only comfort was a can of beer, when I stopped caring, when I gave up on myself, I was slowly turning into the poor, desparate man sat in front of me. He was oblivious. When I was at my worst, so was I.

And so, I liken this experience to that of Ebeneezer Scrooge, when he is shown the outcome of his behaviour. I saw myself, in 20 years time, sat in front of the TV all day with only beer for company, and only alcoholic aneasthesia for comfort.

It's so easy to roll over and give up on yourself, your talent, your promise, and accept easy pleasures as a way of numbing yourself to the loss of your youth.

And I realise how perilously close I was to following that path.

The uplifting side of all of this is that the experience gave me a jolt. It told me, 'this could happen to you if you let it - but you still have time to prevent it - you are still in control'. In a strange way it gave me a feeling of optimism.

Maybe I had to see what rock-bottom feels like, so that I can appreciate what I have now, and can have if I make it so. Perhaps all that has happened recently is serving to show me something, just like Marley's ghost does to Scrooge. I now strongly believe that I have to go through this in order to grow and learn how dark life can be when you give up on yourself.

I want my ghost of Christmas present to be the one who opens up the doors, lets the good stuff in, and buys Tiny Tim a turkey.

And herein lies a lesson for us all.

Letting Go

Ring out the old ring in the new.....

I haven't posted for a while - I've been busy with a new job, after a period of unemployment. It's not been the easiest period of my life by a long chalk, but I'm finally coming to the end of it, and it's time to start thinking again about the future, and what that may hold.

The original aim of this blog was to try to find out who I am, what makes me tick, and to try and rediscover a childlike curiosity about life, the universe, etc, etc.

I'd love to be able to say that I have some answers, but I'm afraid that, at the moment they elude me.

All I do know is that the past is gone. It's just dust, photographs and memories, good or bad. The future is as yet unknown - it's not mapped out for us, much as we would love it to be. People spend hundreds of thousands of pounds consulting psychics, fortune tellers, palm-readers and the like, in order to find out what their future holds, to give them something to hold out for, to look forward to, or to avoid. The truth is, no-one knows what outside, uncontrollable event may come to scupper their plans.

The only time frame anyone can control is right now. This moment. As soon as you think about it, it's already gone, consigned to history.

Ignorance is bliss. Ignorance of the future is also bliss.

However, and more importantly, our past influences our future, and our present much more than we might think. Every decision we make, the way we present ourselves to the rest of the world is influenced by our past. We become conditioned into a way of acting, thinking and being based upon what has, or has not worked for us before. Nurture.

This is sometimes a good thing. It stops us from walking out in front of a bus, because knowlege tells us that we could get hurt. We don't go to see a particular film, or eat particular foods because we tried them in the past, and they did not agree with us.

Unfortunately though, this behaviour can have a limiting effect, and, if we are not careful can end up with us not doing anything that takes us outside of our safety zone. If we're not careful we can end up wrapped in a bubble.

And this is where this little preamble is taking me. I've wrapped myself up in a big, soft comfortable blanket. I take no risks. Nothing can hurt me. I'm safe.

But I'm also half dead. Doing the same old things with the same outcomes. Round and round in ever decreasing circles. Things start off the same way, and inevitably finish the same way, because my approach to whatever it may be, work, romance, friendships, is the same.

I don't wholeheartedly put myself into the situation, or I deliberately sabotage it before it can go too far, or I simply opt out when it gets difficult.

No more of this. I've had enough of it.

I need to live again, and not be half-dead.

Time to take some risks in my life and see where that takes me, instead of always playing it safe.