Letter to my younger self.....

I've just read an illuminating article about Zoe Lewis, who suffered from mild depression for 20 years without realising it. Eventually, at the insistence of a concerned friend, she went to group therapy. One of the tools used was to write a letter to her younger self, at a stage where she had suffered trauma as a child. I'm going to try that here, writing to myself at approximately age 14, at the stage where I was being alienated at school.....

Dear Simon,

You don't know me yet. I am you in 23 years time. I know you extremely well. I used to be you. I know that you are unhappy at the moment at school because everybody is ignoring you.

It's not nice to feel so alone, especially when you have to try to find somewhere to sit in a class of 30 people who don't want you to sit next to them. Try not to let this get to you. The other children do not know any better. You see Simon, children don't know their own opinions, or how their behaviour effects others, especially sensitive children like you. Its not your fault.

There's nothing wrong with being sensitive, it shows great care of others, compassion and gentleness. These are admirable skills to have. However, when your sensitivity allows people to press your buttons because they want a particular response from you - in your case, they want tears, or a tantrum, it can become a burden. I am not suggesting for a minute that you harden up, that would be such a shame because your sensitivity can be a great attribute. But, Simon, you need to learn to react differently to anxiety, because there is a risk that later on in life, you will meet far bigger demons than a classroom of 14 year olds, and how you deal with them can have profound effects on your life ahead.

I know that when it gets too much, you go to the music room and play the piano. Being alone means that the other kids can't get to you. They are too busy outside in the sun. Wouldn't you like to be outside enjoying the sunshine? And the same at home, always drawing. It's good to be good at something, and I can tell you that you will make a good living from drawing. But it can't be everything. You must have balance in your life.

You also must have friendship. I know that at the moment you don't really have any close friends, but you will when you are older. You will have friendships that endure many years, and which you will find enriching. However, in order to make friends, you need to make an effort.

I know that right now, you are happy with your mom and dad, and your grandparents. Sad to say, they won't always be around. You will have times when you are away from home. Eventually they will pass away. It will be hard to take, but you must cherish the time you have with them.

Finally, Simon, try not to be disheartened. None of this is your fault. You are a good, warm-hearted child with much talent, and you will do well for yourself in your future life.

Just please, don't hide yourself away hoping that things will get better. Show the world how good you are at your music and your drawings, and make friends. Achieve balance in your life. Its not all about studying for a good career, or making your parents proud of you.

You only get one chance at your life Simon. Grasp whatever opportunities are shown to you, and live your life to the fullest. Then, when you are true to yourself, people will want to be your friend, and you will not be so alone.

I love you very much, and I look forward to hearing of all the fun you have had on your journey to adulthood.

Much love,

Future Simon.